The phenomenology of losing a mother
Some people are so integral to your life, their passing feels like a shift in the ground itself. When my mom passed away last year, I remember feeling like I was walking on a different surface, sometimes like I was walking in a different place. I don't mean this metaphorically. At least, not merely metaphorically. I'm describing the actual state of my phenomenology (the state of my conscious experience of the world). In the interior, it quite literally felt like something in the foundation of the world changed. To contrast this with a related experience, I've often heard the bereaved talk about shedding an old self. When their loved one dies, they die too. Do they mean this metaphorically? Ish. Phenomenologically, they mean it quite literally. It makes sense. Loved ones don't merely occupy the space on the border of our personal identity. Often, they are inside it. Their presence, love, and relationship is integral to our self-conception. Philosopher's and theolog
